Most people want things to be the best. Being the best is about being better. Being better every day. Being better than yesterday. Being better even when circumstances change, or things don’t get better at first. Here are several ways to go from good to better.
How good things are now.
Look at macro and micro-moments to see how good things are now. What obstacles have you overcome, what major accomplishments (that you really wanted) have you achieved, and what wisdom have you gained from your experiences? I use micro gratitudes every day to maintain a positive mood and outlook. I am breathing, alive, I have food, shelter, the ability to move, think, beauty to see, and all those things we take for granted, that parking space you got, all the people who make it possible for you to have a cup of coffee (see My journey to thank all the people responsible for my morning coffee by A.J Jacobs), etc. When you see the good things, you will see that better is only happening when things are already good. Much better than focusing on the few things that might not be going the way you wanted.
What if nothing is wrong?
I fell down a flight of stairs a couple of years ago and got a significant cut above my eyebrow. I was not thinking about how glad I am alive with no broken bones or other injuries other than the cut. I was thinking scarred for life, about how when people look at my face all they will see is the scar. Then a friend told me about a new DNA activator that might speed up the healing. The friend told me to monitor my progress monthly and with scars normally it takes over a year to look skin-colored. Well for the first 3 months, it looked like nothing was happening and then between months 3 and 4, it went looking like a red raised scar to like a faint line. It is like a tipping point. Most people overestimate what they can achieve in a year and underestimate what they can achieve in the long term in 5 or 10 years. Small improvements grow into larger ones. The book Atomic Habits by James Clear talks about small, incremental, everyday routines that compound into massive, positive change over time.
Nothing was wrong while my body was healing but I did not see it change daily. I was doing something daily to help my body be better. Also, what if nothing was wrong is that you are where you are to go forward? You can’t change your past you can only move forward.
Can you put aside preconceptions and expectations?
Better is only happening when things are already good. Is it better than yesterday or even the moment before? Our perception helps mold our experience. Pleasure is subjective. It’s our minds telling us ‘This feels good and bad.’ So, if you can feel anything, I would call it good because guess what? You’re feeling. From that place of good, that can only get better. That’s the fun part. You’re always going to be in that state of being open to what’s next and the possibilities. Do you have to label it bad, or can it be only a sensation or an experience? Where is the good even in a bad experience? Is there good from a bad situation (silver lining) Be open to what is next and possibilities.
How to get better:
Slow down and lighten up. Breathe, feel, don’t numb up with pressure and speed in your mind, breath, touch, and feel your feelings. If you go too fast and with too much pressure you lose the ability to feel the experience and the subtilities as well as your intuition that might be “the better” in the process.
Turn your fear into your desire. In my last article, I wrote about Susan Coleman’s formula of taking a fear and finding what the desire was underneath it and what one small action you can take towards your desire.
Ask for what you want with specifics and don’t ask for anything less than 100% of your dreams. It is the desire cycle, knowing what you want, asking for what you want, being present to receive it, being grateful for it, and paying It forward by expressing it.
To get from good to better, it requires that we say what it is that we want first.” Talk to your partner about your fantasies, desires, and anything you’re curious about, and come up with a plan together for making those things happen.
Be mindful.
The more mindful you are of your surroundings, the more intense everything will be. You can build mindfulness by meditation or just making a conscious effort to pay attention to whatever’s happening in the moment. Prevent possible distractions, center yourself, and really focus on all your senses. If your mind wanders, which will happen, because that’s how minds work, just notice it and bring your attention back to what you are feeling, seeing, hearing, tasting, and smelling.
Be grateful.
Give positive feedback. Sandwich your gratitude with your desire: What is good? What you would like changed? What is also good? You’re not a bad person, your desires aren’t wrong. You can go from good to better, it’s just a case of look at what your want/desire, being curious, and take action. Is your set of rules holding you back? From the cradle to adulthood, we have all picked up certain cues on how to be happy, find that love of our life, and doing something meaningful. Unfortunately, those rules we subscribe to can often be the thing that holds us back.
Stop complaining.
If you complain, then you are putting yourself in the bad. What would you like? What is good in this moment? If you are complaining, you are not making things better. My dad would always say don’t complain, do something about it. If you can’t change it, then change the way you see it and your reaction to it. How can you enjoy a traffic jam that you can’t change? Find a way to enjoy the moment and be better than focusing on the bad situation.
Smile
The actual act of smiling changes your focus. Not forced but when you look at people, when you notice, when you are not in a terrible situation. You will be better with a smile.
Breathe Deeply
Conscious breathing puts in the present moment and in your body. It changes your focus and provides an interruption to your mind racing.
Walk
Take a walk every day. Enjoy the time alone, the surrounding area, and the ability of the body to move. Daily walks help clear the mind and connect one with nature.
Feel sensations and create energy.
Meditation – To clear the mind and let the universe talk. Improves your mental and mind health. Change your brain chemistry, brain structure, your focus, and attention.
Mindful Movement – To connect with your body and release energy. Movement also puts you in a better mood and is better for you physically.
Journaling – Do a list of gratitudes, and desires, turn your fears to desires into action steps, or get what is ruminating in your mind on paper.
Laugh – The actual act changes your focus. Not forced but when you respond to fun, when you enjoy, when you think of something funny, when you notice when you are not in a terrible situation.
Connect – Enjoy loved ones’ company and or a pet. Have intimate conversations. Improve your social connections. Connect with the world and interact with strangers even to just smile or open a door. Make someone’s day – compliment them. Spreading goodness outside yourself makes you feel better.
Learn something new.
The mind needs to be constantly challenged to continue to grow. Learning something new on a regular basis increases self-efficacy and leads to feelings of accomplishment. Whether learning a new fact to a new skill, acquiring knowledge is a valuable and enjoyable experience.
Want to be the best then adopt the Miracle Equation by Hal Erod Use unwavering commitment and extraordinary effort.
There are many ways to go from good to better on your way if you wish to being the best. Use the suggestions here to be better in this moment. Enjoy this moment. Being better consistently even in small ways leads you to massive changes over time.